Living without sunlight
by 110ellieloveswriting
Summary: Jade was his sun, his world- nothing mattered but her. She was his everything. But then she was gone.
1. Chapter 1

Everthing around me was spinning. All of the breath was gone from my lungs and nothing mattered. I disn't care if i lived or died- all i cared about was her. Jade.

If i never saw her again that would be for the best. She- and the baby, didn't need me wrecking their lives.

I woke up lying down in a bed. I made a move to sit up but something yanked me back down. I twisted my head to either side and saw the restraints. Then i started yelling.

Someone came immediatly.

"It's for your own safety, Drew."

"LET ME OUT! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU- ILL KILL YOU ALL. DON'T THINK I WON'T. LET ME GO! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

The world was blurry and distortes- like i was watching it through one of those mirrors at the fairground. I tried to yank my arms out but to no avail.

I couldn't feel myself. I couldn't feel my body. All i knew was that i needed her. I needed Jade.

Suddenly through the chaos i felt something warm and wet flood my hand. Blood. It was blood. My whole world was red.

Nothing made sense. I could hear the incohearent screams that filled the air- surely that wasn't me?

"Mr Kelly if you don't seise causing harm to yourself then we'll have to sedate you."

"I DON'T CARE! CAN'T YOU SEE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! NOTHING MATTERS."

I felt a sharp prick in my neck, a small sting but it didn't happen how i would have thought. There was just this feeling of emmense calm and even though i was screaming i couldn't make a sound. I couldn't feel anythng- it was like i was concious but outside reality.

And then... Nothing.


	2. Name

I remember the first day i saw her. I was a diffrent person back then. Bad things had happened, definatly, but i was Drew - the name my parents gave me. I was fourteen years old and i still had the innocence and optimism of a child. Things wern't so bad back then.

I was weak then. Weak and lonley.

It was a saturday morning. I got up late, like i always did, and by the time i got down to the lounge it was already full. Everybody was sitting down on the sofad, on the scratchy blue carpet- their eyes glued vacantly to the telly screen like zombies. Not all of them. Marco, Gareet and Jaz were leaning againsts the wall, with Gareet and Jaz sharing headphones- emotionless techno-bindhi music blaring out. As soon as i walked through the doorway, Marco's head snapped up.

'Carry on walking' i told myself 'Head up high. If you ignore him he'll get tired of you.'

So that what i did. My eyes were fixated on the armchair- too fixated. Suddenly my leg crashed into something hard and i went flying. My body hit the carpet with a hard thump after i fell through the air and a chorus of laughter filled my ringing ears.

"Oi fag!" Called out Marco, his riddicous greasy fringe flopping in front of his eyes"Watch it! You might just get the carpet dirty with your rank clothes."

I pulled myself to my feet even though my head was throbbing and my stomach was churning.

Then my eyes travelled along the carpet to an outstretched foot. Thanks Marco.

I turned around, ignoring the taughts behind me and sat down in the armchair, facing the wall. Anywhere was better than here.

"Guys!"

I ignored her.

"Guys- come on!"

I rolled my eyes to the ceiling as i swunge my legs over the arm of the chair and listened to what Pauline had to say.

She was standing there with her toothy, fake grin stretching from ear to ear as usual. But there was somebody next to her.

"Everybody, this is Jade. She's thirteen and she may be staying with us for sometime. Please make her feel welcome. Sally, Jade will be sharing your room for the time being, okay?"

Sally grunted, her eyes still fixated on the television and Pauline left, back to her stupid paper work about how messed up and lazy we all were.

Jade stood there for a moment, curiosity in her dark eyes but when she realised nobody was going to bother to say hello to her, she marched out and up the stairs, obviously going to unpack her stuff into her new room.

Suddenly i sprang up and walked out of the room, carefully checking the carpet for dangling feet this time.

"Oi loser, you gotta girlfriend?" Called out Sal.

"Shut up." I hit back, not even turning around as i marched up the stairs.

I could hear her before i saw her. Down the corridor came a beautiful sound, like birdsong and flowers.  
At first the words were incohrent but as i drew closer i could make out lyrics

"Hush... baby... don't you cry. Mammas gonna sing you a laulla-"

"Hi," i said as i stood in the open doorway. Then i looked at her, hunched over on the bed, her cheeks wet with tears. Her dark hair was plaited down her back and her caramel skin was flushed and damp. She looked just like every other kid who walked through these doors. Grubby clothes, tear streaked face and malnurioushment.

"You're crying," i said, my hand resting against the cold blue wall.

"I know. It's just i don't wanna be here and i don't wanna be at home either."

"I know the feeling."

I did. Most people here did. All you wanted was for it to be okay.

"I'm Jade by the way." she said, smiling at me.

"Yeah, i know."

"Oh the whole intro-"

"Yeah. I'm Drew."

"It's a nice name," she said, looking up at me with her shinig eyes. I walked over and sat down next to her on the bed, feeling the soft duvet cusion my body.

"Thanks. I love your name- Jade... its like lakes and flowers..." i felt my face flush red.

"It's okay Drew i like you- okay? How long have you been here?"

"Three years," i whisper

"Do you have any friends."

"Not really, not anymore"

"And you ain't got fostered or nothing?"

"No, no i don't really want to." She said, cocking her head to the sife slightly "If i had the chance to go live with another family then i'd take it. New start- second chance you know?"

"They wouldn't want me."

"Why not?" she asked "You're sweet, Drew."

"Yeah," i replied, my gaze wandering "Catch you later then."

"Yeah," she said.

"Wait a second," i interuppted, spinning around as i reached the door, "Where's all your stuff?"

"I don't have any," she shrugged "My house got burn't."

"You mean-"

"My mum's dead, dad's in prison."

"My dads in prision too" i blurt out, and she smiles at me.

Jade, i think as i walk along the corridor to my room. She's the only person whose ever got me, and she... likes me. As i lay ontop of the covers in my bedroom, staring at the sunbeams dancing on the ceiling, all i saw was her face. Sunlight and flower petals and rivers and .

I remember the first day i saw her. I was a diffrent person back then. Bad things had happened, definatly, but i was Drew - the name my parents gave me. I didn't want that name anymore, though. I didn't want anything to do with those people. But Jade liked my name.

But what was in a name? Loser, faggot, retard, spaz- those names and worse i had been called by many people- including my own father. I swore i would never be like him. When i got angry i could control myself. I had my ways.


End file.
